Frights, Sights, and Cozy Nights

Fynn Porrett

Billings Career Center/Billings West High School, Grade 10

Heart thumping, blood rushing, feet stomping. The chase has been going on too long—you’re getting tired. Endless corridors that double back on themselves and secret passages in most rooms—this place makes you doubt yourself, wondering if you’ve seen that painting before, that room before, that wallpaper before. You double back, attempting to dupe the pursuer, but they expect it. Their grasp is upon you. Tag… you’re it.

When you live in a castle the size of a large town and as tall as the Empire State Building, you never get bored. Hide-and-seek, tag, sardines, and a statue garden are all infinitely better in a huge castle with unnerving architecture and a mile-wide playplace of tubes, elevation changes, and obstacles. That’s why a titanic castle is my oasis.

In a place like this, you could easily get lost, but that’s half the fun. I love exploring new places, and this labyrinthine domain is just my style. Imagine wandering for hours, lost in a huge, strange maze, but it has everything you need to make it a home. Bathrooms, staffed kitchens, and bedrooms are scattered throughout at regular intervals. And with the vast variation, if you grow tired of a room’s appearance, you can find one in a completely different style. Small sections of the castle are constantly being demolished and rebuilt by a new architect so the layout stays fresh. But if you yearn for a calm space that never changes, this castle has them in spades.

In a place like this, you could easily get lost, but that’s half the fun.

Dim lamplight and a faint smell of books cover all of the towers in a pleasant, almost nostalgic atmosphere. This labyrinth of a castle can still be cozy despite its oddities and size.

Sconces and candelabras line the walls in non-flammable spots. Covered lamps light libraries and bedrooms. A network of passageways in the walls allows the well-paid staff to maintain the lights and keep solitude for the guests. Throughout the castle hide private sound-proof nooks. Collections of books line shelves next to plush couches and beanbags. Each nook features its own theme, be that a forest, campsite, or astrological tower.

Many adopted cats live in and around the castle who are fed special food to prohibit production of allergens. 

But this whole place isn’t just cozy nooks; there’s a more macabre side as well. Odd architecture and strange details make this megastructure rather eerie in some places. However, anything that can cause major discomfort to someone adverse to spooks can be avoided. Commissioned oil paintings give this castle character and slight menace. They are always odd, often very subtly so. Optical illusions make the eyes feel like they’re following passersby, the subjects a little too uncanny, the backgrounds warped and filled with strange items. A plethora of off-putting rooms proliferate the castle. A hundred-foot-wide, off-white bathroom with the only amenities in the center; cramped, maze-like halls; a small bedroom closet that’s forty feet tall; and a massive hall lined with doors that all lead to brick walls: these serve to confuse and unease guests as well as add a little spice to the lives of people staying here. 

This place is knick-knack galore. In cabinets, closets, cases, and counters lie the trinkets, baubles, do-dads, and whats-its (some more cursed than others). Bones are a common item. Crude, wooden symbols made of twine and sticks hang from the ceiling in many spots. Rooms of dolls of all kinds are rare, but not unheard of. They often line the hallways—fun to walk past in the night. Behind some paintings lie the spookier things, such as strange knives and particularly creepy dolls. 

But we can’t forget the people who keep the dust off the items and secret doors closed. The house is staffed and maintained by a large group of people, well paid from my personal treasury of 100 billion gabagoogillion dollars that I earned from my splendiferous slot machine skills (which I learned from my time in Vegas). Candles and lamplights are constantly replaced or filled, bedding is washed weekly, and any messes are quickly cleaned up. A large network of passages in the ceiling and thicker walls weaves around the manor to let the staff do their job in peace and stay out of sight. Everything in the house—while weird—is up to code with proper safety regulations, including fire exits, sprinklers, and extinguishers. Bathrooms are common, and there are many places to eat with themed atmospheres.

With all this coziness, fun things to do, and minor frights, this castle would be an awesome place to live or be invited to. Thinking about everything one could do here instantly makes me happy. Of course my castle is specialized to my personal tastes, but how would your castle differ from mine if you had the resources to construct one?

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